05.02.10
Posted in church, culture, family, kids, parenting
at 2:49 am
One thing I have been struck by lately is how involved Italian grandparents are in their grandkids’ lives. Italians seem to have much less of a desire to leave home to find jobs or an education, and so extended families living nearby is more common. In many Italian homes, the husband and wife both have to work to make ends meet. And so the kids head to grandma and grandpa’s house after school. There is a lot of gray hair as I wait to pick up the kids after school or as I drop the kids off at soccer or swimming.
But it’s more than just free babysitting. Italian kids seem to enjoy a closer relationship with their grandparents. And it’s made me realize how little contact my kids have with theirs. It really does make life harder. I know my kids miss out on that special bond with grandma and grandpa (and it’s our fault – we’re the ones who moved here). They miss getting to know adults who are less busy and have more time to focus on kid-stuff. Heidi and I miss having someone who can watch the kids for date nights (which hardly ever happen when the going rate for babysitters is $15/hour). I think even our church misses out on the wisdom that grandparents bring. The internet does allow a bit more of a connection than would normally be possible via letters and phone calls. But the distance is still there and still changes things.
And I have yet to find a way to fill that gap.
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05.16.09
Posted in family, kids, parenting
at 2:27 am
I know this blog is normally about ministry things, but I wanted to change focus a bit and ask for some parenting advice.
A couple of weeks ago my kids were playing at a park just down the street from our house. We let them go there all the time by themselves. It’s nice to have someplace for the kids to get out their wiggles. Our oldest daughter comes running back and tells us that she found €89 ($114) in some long grass by a tree at the park. I couldn’t believe it.
At first I was hesitant to let the kids spend it. I thought briefly about contacting some of our neighbors to see if anyone lost money, but there are easily 100 apartments surrounding the park. We were headed to the city fair that night, so I just shrugged my shoulders and said to my daughter that she could keep it.
That’s when the trouble started. Apparently she had told her brothers that she wanted to split the money with them. She found it, but they were all there playing. But when it came time to actually giving the money away, she choked and told the boys never mind. I sat her down in the middle of the fair and told her that it absolutely was her money. Finders keepers. But she told the boys something that they were counting on and were already excited about. And I told her she needed to decide right then and there what she was going to do and then stand by her decision. She really struggled and finally split the money with the boys. I was proud. Our youngest bought a little toy helicopter which he loves and I pulled my daughter aside and said, “You made it possible for him to be so happy.” I patted myself on the back for my smooth parenting skills.
The next day, the kids go to the park. And this time they find €100 ($135)! It was in a slightly different place, but somewhere that they said they looked the day before. For some reason alarm bells start going off. I don’t think kidnappers try and bait children with cash, but my mind cannot figure out how someone could lose so much money. This time I tell the kids we’re going to hold on to the money for one week. We’re going to keep an eye out to see if anyone posts a sign saying they lost some money. If nothing happens, the kids can keep the money.
And of course, nothing happens. One week goes by and the kids start asking when they can have the money. So we sit down at lunch and we start talking about how to handle such a big blessing. I talked about how their mom and I like to give some of our paychecks to the church. And how we try and save a little for emergencies. But what bothers me is that I start to see greed building up in their little minds. Our daughter tries again to tell the boys that she found the money and it’s all hers. The boys complain because she said she would share. In my mind I’m thinking that this money is just too much for them. They’re used to their €2 a week allowance, and they just aren’t mature enough for such a windfall. They start talking about the junky toys they want to buy (kind of a pet peeve of mine – I hate cheap plastic toys that break in a week). Our daughter takes the money off my desk because she knows we have to go to a toy store to buy a birthday present for a friend. She didn’t steal the money, but she just assumed (incorrectly) that we were done talking about it and the money was theirs.
So what’s a parent to do? Should I let the kids blow the money? Is it OK to just treat this as a little blessing from God? Do I make them save some and give some and them use the rest as they want? How can I snuff out the greed that this “blessing” has caused? What lessons can I help them learn? I’d love the hear what you think…
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